I (heart) New York

New York is amazing, a wonder really. Anything that you could want at any time of day, night, morning or afternoon is there, available and waiting for you to find it and love it and give it a home. This is why I love New York.

The city also gives me sidewalk rage. Like road rage in L.A. but without the bumper system and shielding of a vehicle. This is why I don't like New York.

But, my god, if you want to have a good night out you go out in New York. So here I have a couple of mini reviews from last weekend.

The Red Lion - Bleecker at Thompson

Phenomenal! Live music, great vibe, reasonable drinks, dancing in a kind of groupie standing around the tiny stage way. Also security there is totally awesome! Sang along with the band and danced with us.

The Champagne Bar - Plaza Hotel

Let me just start by saying: three drinks $87. Feel free to skip ahead. ... Still here? Okay! This place is iconic in a city of icons. The Plaza Hotel smells like prestige. The closer you get to it, the more impressive you feel, you stand straighter, wish you had on better shoes (I'm not just talking to my ladies here). This place is money, in the literal sense. We walked up a marble staircase to get to the lower level of this bar. Inside was all rose colored lighting and the well-to-do. We happened to go there while a wedding party was finishing their night. This is probably quite common as the Plaza is the wedding address. Service was impeccable except for when the bartender lost my friends card and said we did not give it to him, we did he had dropped it behind the counter. Otherwise, this place was perfect in that sophisticated, monied kind of way.

Southern Hospitality - Second Ave at 77th St.

In direct contrast to the Plaza Hotel is Southern Hospitality. This bar was near our hotel and apparently owned by Justin Timberlake, which sadly is why we went there. The inside is generic sports bar with a slightly southern tinge to it, evident in the wooden tables and knick knacks hanging from the ceiling.

We had to repeat our drink order five times for the bartender. I don't know if he wasn't paying attention or what but you all know how I feel about waiting for my drinks. I don't. I also had to have a guy removed by the bouncer for telling me and my friend that he would "f%$k the s*@t out of us." Thanks, I'll pass. Believe me, I was in no way encouraging that sort of offer. We then witnessed another gentleman get arrested by seven police officers...inside the bar, not even out in the streets! Well, that's just rude.

Nick's Pizza - Broadway at 76th St.

After a night of shenanigans this was the perfect way to end. Real, foldable, New York style slices. The guys behind the counter were from New York, I mean from there, not like Barbara Streisand is from there but like Bobby DeNiro is from there. They were super nice in that brusque, funny New York kind of way, even though we were obviously tourists and had no idea what we were doing. Love those guys! Three slices and waters for $9.

Panama Joe's

I'm not too much of a follower of new age mysticism but Panama Joe's has some serious bad karma. There are dark clouds around it's aura...or something.

I've been to Panama Joe's three times and each time something horrible happened. At this point, if you have read any other entries you may have an idea that I enjoy an alcoholic beverage from time to time. Well, the second time I ventured into this establishment I had to wait in line for 20 minutes only to discover that half the bar was entirely empty. The other half was so full, though, I had to fight my way to the bar only to be ignored by the single, completely overwhelmed bartender. Four other staff members were hanging out by the door leading into the back, employee area, also not providing me with a drink.

As if this were not bad enough the third time I went there I didn't even make it in the building I only got as far as directly in front of the LONG line of fools waiting to get into the empty bar (why is there a wait to get into an empty room??). Anyway, I was already not impressed with the place from my prior visits and as I crankily walked towards the end of the LONG line, my heel twisted on a loose cobble stone and I fell. With nothing to catch myself on I fell right on my face and directly in the gutter. I wish I had the excuse that I was drunk, but alas, stone sober, I came tumbling down.

And finally, the very first time I went to Panama Joe's was soon after I moved to Orange County. My cousin and I paid the cover and made our way to the bar, our drinks were promptly delivered and we decided to survey the crowd from our bar stools before engaging in the sweaty dancing that was happening. From out of nowhere a jacket was thrown at me. It hit my chest, spilled my drink and landed in my lap. Appalled, I looked up to find the owner (and thrower) of the jacket approaching. He apologized, took the jacket and left. Five minutes later he did it again, hitting both of us this time. Well, I was less than impressed and threw the jacket on the floor. The owner once again approached us, took my cousins hand, apologized then brought her hand to his lips as if to kiss, and bit her. Yes, a stranger bit my cousin.

We both were shocked, mouths open in dismay. How does one justify this behavior, drunk or not? So I did what any demur young lady would and yelled at him, throwing my drink then grabbed him by the shirt and demanded to the bartender to kick the ass out. And do you know what the bartenders' reaction was? He laughed. So I said again, "this guy just bit my friend, he bit her, throw him out!" The bartender laughed again.

So I turned to the other bartender and repeated myself, this guys response was "oh yeah?" Complete and utter disregard for the crisis at hand! So I went in the other direction, still holding Mr. Bitey by the shirt, dragging him through the bar until I found another employee who was more helpful and had the guy thrown out.

However, my night was ruined and I vowed never to set foot in that establishment ever again. But wait, you say, that was the first of three times! Why did you return?? Well, that same cousin who was bit that night decided to give it a go on her birthday, after the place was under new ownership. I conceded that if she could return, the actual victim of the whole affair, then so could I.

But this time, I mean it, never again!

Enter at your own risk!

Panama Joe's

5100 E. 2nd St.

Long Beach, CA 90803

562-434-7417

www.panamajoes.com

King Neptunes

Like all connoisseur's I have to take a thorough sampling of all types of entertainment to have a true understanding of what I'm enjoying. That is why today's review is of my new favorite establishment.

Local dives are a necessity to humanity, in my opinion. They provide an outlet unmatched at the "nicer" establishments. I feel that at a dive you can be yourself in a slightly less dignified manner. At, say, The Sky Room I could never drunkenly stumble out being held up by a friend and leaving behind a credit card and my memory of the evening. Not and show my face again any time soon.

A dive does not judge you harshly for such behavior. They expect it, almost revel in it. Lets take a favorite of mine in Seattle (alas, no longer in business...not related to the story I'm about to tell) The Flame. I was a regular and friends with the owner, an ex-Broadway musical singer who closed every night with a performance. I once suggested they try to drum up some extra business through special events, one of the events suggested was creamed corn wrestling. Yes, creamed corn wrestling. And the owner considered it!

In every town or neighborhood I have lived in (since I've been 21, hello officer!) I have a local dive bar I call home. So I have now found my Orange County bar. It is the King Neptune in Sunset Beach. The drinks are poured with a heavy hand at a low price. They do live music (and trivia and karaoke neither of which I can condone, but both of which I predict to participate in), and they have a wall of guns. This is odd, but I don't question it...they also have a wall of buttons...I feel like that sentence should end in a question.

Apparently, they have really good food too.

King Neptunes

(562) 592-4878

17115 Pacific Ave

Sunset Beach, CA 90742

Sky Room

As much as I love Tivo and my iPod and the internet (hello internet!), I occasionally seriously regret not being alive in the 1940's. Think about it this way: the 40's had fantastic music, everyone was well dressed and they all had inexplicably good complexions. So, who doesn't like music, clothes and skin? I rank them near the top of my 'stuff I like' list.

My imaginary nostalgia has led me to frequent, when I can find them, places that still embrace those things I hold in high esteem (okay, maybe not the skin thing). So there is nothing not to love about The Sky Room!

The Sky Room is the restaurant at the top of the Long Beach Hotel. It's a very art deco vibe with parquet floors and red velvet drapes. It opened in 1926 and you can feel, and sometimes see the age of the place. In the harsh light of day you notice the cracked window and worn carpet. But after the sun goes down and the band starts up all it's musty age is forgotten.

People dance at the Sky Room. Not the night club grinding or concert bopping I'm used to, but real dancing. As if they have done this before, taken the time to learn how to move around the floor. Believe me, there are no Fred and Ginger's to make you feel inadequate, just that sense of lost nostalgia. As if the building would be disappointed to find you groping your honey in the center of it's history. So if a night with some mild propriety is not your thing just move on down to Panama Joe's (review coming soon!).

I went as part of a party of five. We had an amazing dinner there, pasta and sea bass are highly recommended. Our waiter helped us find a really quality bottle of wine and was not at all condescending or pretentious. Here is the catch: the bill was in the $500 range. If this in no way phases you well, I'm still single. But if the idea of spending around a hundred dollars for a plate kind of makes you want to pass out, don't worry, you can still go.

The front room is a bar with the dance floor and the live music. You can order food in that room if you want but it's not necessary. In fact, next time I go I'll eat at In N Out Burger ahead of time and just get drinks, it's almost better that way because that's where there is music and dancing, the fun stuff. Gentlemen, if you want to impress a date this is the way to do it, not the In N Out Burger part, though, seriously I shouldn't have to tell you that.

The Sky Room

40 South Locust Ave

Long Beach, CA

562.983.2703

Village Idiot

Bon Nuit's base of operation is Orange County, California. So you'll see many of the entries on here will be in that vicinity. But we're movers and shakers, always on the go; I mean we get around, there's a great, wide world of good nights waiting to be found and we will get to that place...eventually. For our first real entry we went WAY out, all the way to LA County.

The Village Idiot, on Melrose near La Brea, was one of the most interesting nights out I've had since moving to Southern California. It took a careful eye to find this slightly hidden pub and restaurant. Fortunately there is a tiny sign somewhere on the door or building or sidewalk that my friend spotted (even after walking through the door I never saw the thing which hangs over the door as it turns out). We had to park in the neighborhood behind the bar, there are rumors of valet parking, but I saw no evidence of this.

We walked up to the front door and waited for eight good-looking, high on hygiene guys to walk out (no fault of my own). An employee, perhaps a bouncer of sorts though he was the image of Adrian Grenier, held the door for us. I tried not to stare at the people we passed but a whole replicated English pub full of wanna-be (or soon to be) romantic hunks and starlets is not the everyday for this girl.

I strolled my not a size 2 ass up to the bar and was not helped immediately, in fact the bartender passed by me entirely and asked the guy standing behind me if he needed a drink; kindly Timothy, the guy behind me, asked if I had been helped. Timothy, an actor (shocking!) was aging well but aging to be sure. He was our entertainment for the night, informing us of the history of Culver City and playing guess the horoscope. As any good friend would I bought the first round and to my surprise all three drinks were under $20. Very easy for my budget.

When ready to order my second drink I received prompt service from a different bartender. I asked for a gin and tonic, house gin. The bartender's reply was: house? sure we make it in a bathtub out back. My response: good, higher alcohol content. He laughed, I considered this a good sign.

When we left we encountered three drunk boys in their lawn, one in only his underwear. They tried to initiate conversation but alas, they were drunk and had none. We had to step over someones vomit to reach our car.

All in all, we agreed high enjoyment of the Village Idiot. It gets one star for service but four stars for people watching and entertainment. Oh, bring your skinny jeans and micro-minis, this place loves the Hollywood Hipster (of course one girl was wearing a full on fairy costume so I suppose...come as you are!)

The Village Idiot
7383 Melrose Ave
Los Angeles, CA
323-655-3331

Hello!

We are not food critics.  Nor are we chefs, journalists, servers or in any way qualified to judge.  We do not work in the food and beverage industry.  But we do have one amazing recommendation and that is that we know how to have a good time.  We are connoisseurs of fun.  

Our goal is to save you the arduous slogging through one crappy bar after another.  We will do this for you and tell you exactly what to expect from each meal, drink, dessert and experience we have.  From our heart to yours!  Bon Nuit.